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Saturday, November 23, 2024

“Faut savoir s’étendre Sans se répandre.”

 



The holes in your life seem to signify some kind of terror, which I see as the signs of erasure.

Omitting something you mean, my life fragmented as opposed to rigidly upright and solid? Yes, you're right. But show me one person and I will find the holes. I don't care who they are.

The 4AM question of whether or not to make them the object of forgiveness, what with those green eyes searing straight through to my soul, I would not wear the shoes of those people for one single second, not with your flames of pure ice.  

We are but the Tholin's of Pluto. So I see no reason not to forgive, but then again I am not unconditional. Our paths crossed for a reason.

So poetic you are Frenchy - Who came first Pluto or Goofy?

Probably you, all sugar rush and roses greedy... Isn't it just like you? I got mine, you can wait until the morning, good night. Hahaha!

Yes, that's me.

Failure, it can be quite exotic. If you know you know. You don't seem to know.

Hmm, it's not exactly the same exotic as a snow leopard though, is it? I mean it's more the asshole, as opposed to the Orchid. Failure isn't something I ever set myself up for. Failure for me wasn't an option.  Despite the obstcles I've had thrown in my path, I've persevered through the rain and the storm. And I've walked through many storms.

Yes, I noticed you don't ever quit.

No I don't. I am tenacious. It took me 45 years to find an invisible  Mother who had no concept of what being a Mother actually entailed.. Josephine Baker she was not. She hadn't looked for us, not at all.  This I was aware of.  She'd moved on, new life, new kids.. But I never gave up. It was quite odd, but I only ever meant to observe her across a crowded room and only the once would have sufficed. But that's not how it turned out, there was too much pent up anger. 

     The childhood trauma of her not being there to protect me and my sister against evil predators was more than I could contain. All I could see in my mind was the neglect, the raw disgust of the sexual abuse, the starvation, the cruelty and violence, of feeling perpetually freezing cold - the pure madness... And her sat there - Just fat and unconcerned. 

But that gave me the drive to seek out a better life..  And on particularly rough days, when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%. And that's pretty good.

We have very different lives Frenchy..

This brings nobody peace, Tiny Fair. It's done.  It is an ancient war, the war between obsession and responsibility, and you do not bear any of the responsibility of what you went through as an innocent child.

But it will never finish and has been the same forever.  We are as forgotten now, as we were then.

There are limits, Tiny Fair.  Respect your head, don't let them inside your head. For they have not earned from you the love, nor respect you deserve. 

Erasure has many techniques, but only one result.

Yes, my advice is don't take your Samurai sword to work with you, even if it's bring your Samurai sword to work day.


Maybe this is all a mirage Frenchy.

It's not a mirage if it fucking hurts you.

Frenchy - This news just in..

Sources confirm that the woman who stole your heart has just been arrested..

Think for a moment and decide, whether you're an angel or a beast..

It's difficult to look at people with compassion when there are so many assholes around.

What about Bobbie? When does he get disinterred?

Tomorrow at 5AM.

Then the Crematorium?

Yes, I will go alone. I do not wish to share my emotions.

Ok Frenchy, I understand. So when will we take him home?

For Christmas, to my Mother in Paris.

Christ, if it were my Mother the last thing she'd want is a kid at her door, as ashes in a box or otherwise. She might welcome you as a bar of chocolate though, or a sammich.

Well my brother will be in a Golden urn surrounded by fresh flowers on the Gulf Stream. Sometimes the cost is of no consequence. It will be his final journey. 

We will follow the bright flickering flame, it will take us somewhere we have never been.












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