Cider with Rose

 I was there, looking around, trying to figure out where I was.

Where were you?

On an unfinished road, a dirt track. There was a row of houses at the top, I could just make out the word 'Avenue' in the middle of the row of terraces built into the brickwork in stone, there was a pub called The Sun on the bottom of the hill, the bar area was there, I could see it lit up through the window, but the lounge area had been made into a domestic  kitchen. There was a woman in there, preparing something. 

It was obviously closed and had been remodelled into a HMO, I remember being there so well. I remember the actual night, the people. God I even remember what I was wearing. And a man called Alan. Well he was a very young man, maybe 20. But I was a very young teen. 

What was his significance?

He wanted me to be his girlfriend, but I said I couldn't, I was scared of the girlfriend he had already. She had short mousy hair and greasy skin.  She wore a leather jacket and looked rough. She looked at me through ice cold slitted eyes and told me not to speak to her boyfriend. I was terrified.

What happened next?

I walked back up the hill with them, I had drunk a glass of Cider with blackcurrant juice to disguise the disgusting,to me anyhow, taste.  I felt a little drunk after only one small glass.

I don't think he had anything to do with the body in the bushes.

I don't think so, that was much later. How did you feel when you realised that what you uncovered was a body? And it was how you say? Wrapped?

Yeah, well not really wrapped, kind of covered up. But then I saw the skull and I stared at it for such a very long time as my brain tried to process what it was seeing, I simply couldn't process it. Like when you see a huge snake coming towards you but it takes an age before you can make a sound, you simply freeze. And finally you scream.

It's like a bizarre carnival.

You want to walk back down there someday? Back down that lane? Drink cassis with Cider? Champagne yes, but Cider? Alors..

No, not really. I just get these random thoughts, you know? Like something submerged underwater and the water level suddenly starts to subside, revealing the submerged object. My memories are like that. Sudden and not for any particular reason.There is no trigger.

You remember your rock in the ocean?

That was my safe place, I only swam from underneath it when the tide got high. I could hear people calling my name having seen me walk into the ocean and disappear. They thought I was drowned, but I was inside my rock.

Some things are worse than what we've actually gotten ourselves into.

Are you afraid? I mean like right now.

In the depths of his soul, this quiet, unassuming emotionless French man felt a gripping fear clawing at his chest as he stood on

 the precipice, unsure if he could make that final leap into the unknown 

abyss below with her. 

The world seemed to blur around him, his heart pounding in rhythm with

 the tumultuous emotions swirling within him - a conflicting mixture of

 love and hate for the surreal sensation of falling for her. His mind raced

 with thoughts of regret and longing, each one tearing at him like a

 jagged knife as he grappled with the overwhelming weight of his

 decisions. 

And yet, despite it all, there was an undeniable sense of liberation in

 letting go, in surrendering to fate and trusting in the tenuous thread

 between life and death. The fear whispered its sinister promises in his

 ear, but somewhere deep down, a spark of defiance ignited within him -

 propelling him forward into the unknown with a steely resolve born from

 desperation and determination.

This was pure madness.

She was pure madness.

But it was too late. His watch had stopped. 

We need to take guns.

I can't kill anyone!

Oh, you will my tiny fair. You will.

It's either them or us.