Mission not impossible

 We refuel in St Tropez, and finally we are about to complete what we came to do my Tiny Fair. Our mission is almost accomplished.  

Well Frenchy, I'm kind of getting used to the randomness of our life, but what happens when we need to return to normal life? We shall be bored?

No, we shall be relieved. But you know it's not over in New York. We need to return soon. But first I return my brother to our mother. Paris is the last leg of this journey. 

So from the glorious aerial sights of the Riviera and then it's back to reality.

Ouai, d'accord. 

Back to the farm. No more daylight, only darkness.

We are still rolling around in hyper schemes.

Do you St Tropez?

 There was my Riviera love peering over at me.. over dark glasses.

 

Somewhere, your enemies are keening

 

You know going uphill is only one way right?

No intentions of rolling downhill Frenchy. No left or right hand turns either, up, only up. That is me.

Sometimes you wake up and life gives you a thump. Know what I'm saying?

Yes, I sure do. If you imagine waking up one morning and running unwittingly into the person that is going to be the reason that it will be the last time you do something - or everything. 

  But imagine everything you do when you wake up, but that is the day that it's for the last time - but you don't know it's the last time. Do you remember the last time you played out with your friends as a kid? No. But there was a last time, you just didn't know it.

The last time.

For the last time.

The old lady in Queen's. She put on her nightdress for the last time, cleaned her teeth and brushed her hair. But she also breathed for the last time. Because of her husband? No, I don't believe that. Why pull her nightgown up like that? And the way he killed himself is soo not sitting right with me.

There's no more information yet, the forensics are still on it.

What about similar cases?

I don't know, there's 2 or possibly even 3.

So we are talking about a serial killer?

Possibly. 

What did the DNA bring up?

Some familial, possibly blood found at the scene with quite a rare blood group. 

Ohh, I have quite a rare blood group!

Vraiment?

Ouai. I was in hospital once and I was told they couldn't operate as there was none of my blood type in the bank as it was rare.

You did 23 and Me?

I did. But it's going broke and I'm wondering what will happen to all of those DNA samples.

I hear they will be sold to the Far East, dangerous in my opinion.

Yes, especially as drones can find you with a DNA sample.

You watch too much TV.

Vraiment?

Ha!

Ancestry dot com.. I did that too. I'm waiting for the cops to knock on the door with an unsolved crime!

It could happen you think?

Oh sure! Nothing would surprise me! 

I've heard several cases so you could be right.

Whatever happens, well it never happens on it's own you know? 

Only if deceit prevails.

I live in the light, not in the shadows. I know, let's go down to the water, see if we can find the man who pretends he isn't there. You know the guy who pushes his boat with a big stick, and covers his face with a scarf? He has answers.

I think they collected him and put him in Belle Vue, he isn't there anymore.

Ok, the man who isn't there anymore, let's find him.

His hands were bleeding the last time I saw him.

No, they were not bleeding, he has blood on them, there's a  difference.

 Like Lady Macbeth?

Indeed.

We are in danger Tiny Fair. What were facts are now feelings.

What difference does it make? We keep following the flame. It will take us straight to our destination.

Destination unknown?

No, I know where the destination is.

I feel better.

People always take more from the buffet than they can eat.

Why do you say that?

Because it's a fact?

I actually don't, I return for me if I need to.

Hmmm.

We need to keep to the road ahead.

But all the roads look like Medusa's head.

Keep walking my beautiful one, until you have worn out yet another pair of shoes.

There's a Bucket Full Of Rabbit Shit in the Garage.

 I drew the Ace of Spades with the other card, I'm not mentioning the other card, because I don't want to conjure up it's dark and twisted spirit. That could happen, you know?

  I already knew what was likely in store. I became totally silent, didn't speak of it at the time, I sat there, looking stupid and disturbed, like I'd walked through the British Embassy cocktail party with my skirt tucked in my knickers. Yes, I was shocked. But I wasn't entirely sure who the cards corresponded to, there was too much white noise. So I persevered. 

Keep thinking about the White Rabbit, but don't follow it down the rabbit hole.

I actually had the raging two-bob bits that night, so I thought it could very well be myself. I had drawn my own death card. I could shit myself to death here, and no one would guess.

It wasn't you though, was it. You didn't, did you?

Evidently not. 

Those people died though, but why?

That was the saddest part. We don't know. 

This brings no one peace.

Peace doesn't come from ignorance. First there's the discovery, then the pain.. Peace follows truth, not fallacy. The lesson here is in understanding. Who. Why? We know the how.

I stood up from the grass and my pants were stained, then I noticed you. You looked so young. I didn't recognize your Sport's club colour's, Orange and Green - Or was it Yellow and Brown? That sweatshirt.. No, it was brown and red. Oh I can't remember! You asked me where I'd been? I told you, I can't remember! My phone was not working, everywhere I went there was no signal! You kept on about my disappearance! 

The garden is beautiful, I love the glass verandah. The lush foliage, divine.  But who are the two Oriental girls? They have gone into the kitchen now to make food, that was my kitchen once upon a time -  but oddly I don't feel jealous or resentful, I am resigned. I can't remember anything of my past, or even my present! Those girls look very young.. They stare at me with distrust..

Who is the black man? His eyes are burning into me, full of suspicion. He wants me gone from here.

You can't be here. That's why.

Who is he?

He is the demon. I told you about him before. He isn't here with me, he is actually following you.

No, he is not. I would have noticed. Why are you harbouring him?

You are pure, you wouldn't make air. He knows that, so he is attempting to lead you astray.

So where do I go now?

You have to find the route that was set for your journey. It's in front of you, but there are many paths leading away from your true path, so do not take the wrong one or you will end up back here.

So what, fuck it. Let's just forget it. I last played Snakes and Ladders aged nine, it is of no interest to me these days.

And the game continues. So do not attempt to adjust the mask of someone else before you have adjusted your own. Or back down the snake you will go.

I'm not behind the mask, nor giving up and sliding down. That's not what I meant.

No. Surrender is a different kind of demon. Do not surrender.

Tell me one last time.

The trick still works, don't forget. It's all in the mechanism of your mind. You have to remember how to use it!

 And remember Pluto. Always remember Pluto.

If you look for long enough, at the right time, in your peripheral sight, you can see your fate.

I can't do it.

Yes you can, keep following the path. The light is there, but visible only to the third eye. Open that eye. I have told you many times! Let the Tiger's devour your enemies. There is no obligation for you to do it yourself.

Yes, I will be very interested to see what it's like watching them be swallowed.

You have to leave now.

I'm walking towards the gate. The black man goes ahead of me and opens it. He is staring at me, but I don't look him in the eye, I don't want him to get inside my head.  It now closes quietly behind me. That world is gone, disappeared from view. What was that? What does it mean?

Time to go for lunch Tiny Fair. 

I'm still in that time warp. I was in the matrix.

But which is the matrix, and which is reality?

There is no reality. There is only where we are now.

Tomorrow I aim to be in St Tropez. You onboard?

Yes, why the fuck not. I mean nothing makes any sense so just roll with it.  

Roll with the nonsense.

Until the truth becomes the reality.

Yes, let's do it. And say we did not.

Remember Amsterdam?

Yes, it was fun. 

Attencion!!!

I remember, I fell from the kerb.

Ouai, L'herbe was strong.

It was Frenchy.

It was my Tiny Fair.

“Faut savoir s’étendre Sans se répandre.”

 

The holes in your life seem to signify some kind of terror, which I see as the signs of erasure.

Omitting something you mean, my life fragmented as opposed to rigidly upright and solid? Yes, you're right. But show me one person and I will find the holes. I don't care who they are.

The 4AM question of whether or not to make them the object of forgiveness, what with those green eyes searing straight through to my soul, I would not wear the shoes of those people for one single second, not with your flames of pure ice.  

We are but the Tholin's of Pluto. So I see no reason not to forgive, but then again I am not unconditional. Our paths crossed for a reason.

So poetic you are Frenchy - Who came first Pluto or Goofy?

Probably you, all sugar rush and roses greedy... Isn't it just like you? I got mine, you can wait until the morning, good night. Hahaha!

Yes, that's me.

Failure, it can be quite exotic. If you know you know. You don't seem to know.

Hmm, it's not exactly the same exotic as a snow leopard though, is it? I mean it's more the asshole, as opposed to the Orchid. Failure isn't something I ever set myself up for. Failure for me wasn't an option.  Despite the obstcles I've had thrown in my path, I've persevered through the rain and the storm. And I've walked through many storms.

Yes, I noticed you don't ever quit.

No I don't. I am tenacious. It took me 45 years to find an invisible  Mother who had no concept of what being a Mother actually entailed.. Josephine Baker she was not. She hadn't looked for us, not at all.  This I was aware of.  She'd moved on, new life, new kids.. But I never gave up. It was quite odd, but I only ever meant to observe her across a crowded room and only the once would have sufficed. But that's not how it turned out, there was too much pent up anger. 

     The childhood trauma of her not being there to protect me and my sister against evil predators was more than I could contain. All I could see in my mind was the neglect, the raw disgust of the sexual abuse, the starvation, the cruelty and violence, of feeling perpetually freezing cold - the pure madness... And her sat there - Just fat and unconcerned. 

But that gave me the drive to seek out a better life..  And on particularly rough days, when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%. And that's pretty good.

We have very different lives Frenchy..

This brings nobody peace, Tiny Fair. It's done.  It is an ancient war, the war between obsession and responsibility, and you do not bear any of the responsibility of what you went through as an innocent child.

But it will never finish and has been the same forever.  We are as forgotten now, as we were then.

There are limits, Tiny Fair.  Respect your head, don't let them inside your head. For they have not earned from you the love, nor respect you deserve. 

Erasure has many techniques, but only one result.

Yes, my advice is don't take your Samurai sword to work with you, even if it's bring your Samurai sword to work day.

Maybe this is all a mirage Frenchy.

It's not a mirage if it fucking hurts you.

Frenchy - This news just in..

Sources confirm that the woman who stole your heart has just been arrested..

Think for a moment and decide, whether you're an angel or a beast..

It's difficult to look at people with compassion when there are so many assholes around.

What about Bobbie? When does he get disinterred?

Tomorrow at 5AM.

Then the Crematorium?

Yes, I will go alone. I do not wish to share my emotions.

Ok Frenchy, I understand. So when will we take him home?

For Christmas, to my Mother in Paris.

Christ, if it were my Mother the last thing she'd want is a kid at her door, as ashes in a box or otherwise. She might welcome you as a bar of chocolate though, or a sammich.

Well my brother will be in a Golden urn surrounded by fresh flowers on the Gulf Stream. Sometimes the cost is of no consequence. It will be his final journey. 

We will follow the bright flickering flame, it will take us somewhere we have never been.

Ambush and a French Twist

 Frenchy, what is a pathological liar?

A mythomaniac?

Yes, whatever you call it.

A compulsive liar, someone who lies for seemingly no reason, or without a clear motive. Who are you thinking about? Me? Well my job.. So..

No! Not you! Dr Jimmy. He once told me never to listen to the sad girl in Belle Vue because she was a born liar, she told lies about everything, would swear black was white despite the obvious evidence. That she was a pathological liar, she couldn't help it. It was part of her illness and not to believe anything she said.

He's deflecting. A pure Narcissist, it's him with the problem. I would say the forensic psycology team will diagnose him with major NPD. Why you concerned?

I'm worried he will lie his way out of jail. He is a very convincing liar.

No, first of all he isn't, not to the trained ear, and secondly he can't. He can't lie his way out.  Stop fretting. Where's the car?

It fell down a hole.

What?

It fell down a hole. You can see the top of it, but I don't know how to get it out.

Are you for real?

I was distracted, I opened some kind of gate and it fell down. I don't think there's much damage, it went into water.

Not much damage? What the... Water?  Distracted by what? For Fucks Sake!

I saw an old man sat on my bed, I thought it was Arthur Miller.

Who the fuck is Arthur Miller?

He was an author...Yeah... Anyhow, I only thought it was him, but it wasn't. It was someone else who died a long time ago, he was a relation. But he looked a lot like him.

What did he want?

I don't know, he was sat staring at me but didn't say anything.

Silent message?

He tucked the bed covers in.

He's telling you to put something to bed maybe?

But what?

We will figure out. After we dig the car out.

Don't worry about the car, I'm selling my apartment, the real estate guy said he will sell it in a few hours.

Ohh.. How I despair.. Tiny Fair, you believe everything you're told. And that's a statement.

I do.

Yeah, it can be a problem. If he's selling it in a few hours it's because he's massively undervalued it.

Oh okay.

Which hole is the car in?

The one with water in.

That narrows it down.

It's okay, it's an ambush.

That group of cunning liars,  they devised a plan to ambush the  car as it crossed the bridge over the river. They set up a trap with fake road signs and lured the unsuspecting driver into the water. But little did they know, the driver was actually a skilled escape artist who managed to outsmart them and swim to safety. The masked gang of three were left empty-handed and humiliated, their devious plan foiled by their own delusions. As she watched the roof of the car sink below the dark waters, she smiled. 

See you soon guys.